


To Try Our Souls

by SavageStar



Series: To Curse the Darkness [1]
Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo Needs Therapy, Dark, Death Threats, Domestic Violence, Drinking to Cope, Emergency Medical Technicians, F/M, Forced Orgasm, Graphic Description, Hurt Kylo Ren, Hurt/Comfort, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs an Ass Kicking, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Loss of Parent(s), Medical Procedures, More tags in bottom comments to hide spoilers, Non-Consensual, Older Woman/Younger Man, Oral Sex, References to Drugs, Rough Sex, Sadism, Sex, Smut, Snoke Being a Dick, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:28:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22344856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SavageStar/pseuds/SavageStar
Summary: Kylo Ren has escaped the implosion of Starkiller Base, but to what end? How will he deal with the death of his father, Han Solo, and his injuries from the Starkiller Base confrontation? First Order Officers may be in his corner, and one woman in particular...Addendum: As this work evolves, I'm finding it necessary to create additional tags. However, I'm afraid some of these may inhibit your enjoyment by inadvertently revealing specific plot points. To counter that, I am going to add any new tags in the bottom comments of the pertinent chapter. This will enable you to avoid seeing the tags in the top comments or header, but you'll be able to quickly scroll down past the chapter, check the tags in the bottom comments, and if you are willing to proceed, you can. I hope this enables you to continue enjoying the story without losing the mystery nor being blindsided by something unpleasant. And I appreciate you following along for the ride!
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/You
Series: To Curse the Darkness [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1916200
Comments: 11
Kudos: 21





	1. Triage

**Author's Note:**

> This first book in this series was originally published 1/21/20. However, I've adjusted it to the day prior to the second book to keep them in order in my dashboard as I had written two other works in the intervening period ("Encounter on Lothal" and "The Saber", two standalone works, all Kylo/Original Female Characters.)  
> This was my first fanfic, and my first fic in almost thirty years. It's not as polished as my subsequent work, all of which continues to evolve as I practice and gain insight into better writing techniques.  
> If you've found yourself here by way of Part II: "To Tend Our Wounds" or Part III: "To Take a Chance", thank you for 'taking a chance' on my series! You'll find this particular work is written in the first person with a difficult ending. However, my work, I feel, has started to gradually improve and I think you'll find the style of the following stories differs in a beneficial way as I honed my writing skills between January and December of 2020, providing an improved reading experience as I changed from first-person POV to third-person omniscient, still using original female characters with whom I hope you'll identify.  
> This work bears only slight connections to Parts II and III, but I had wanted to show more of an evolution in Kylo's persona rather than an overarching storyline.  
> Again, thank you for sharing your precious reading time with me and I hope you enjoy!  
> Love and light,  
> 'Star

CHAPTER ONE

The claxons continued to blare as the wounded streamed non-stop into the _Finalizer_ ’s medical bay while the Resurgent-class Star Destroyer escaped from the gravity well of the imploding Starkiller Base. The med bay was bedlam and we were straining to contain the number of troops needing attention when General Hux and two senior staff arrived with a figure clad in black, splayed prone on a repulsor gurney.

“Lieutenant Sharva!” Hux barked at me. “Get over here, you’re needed, now!”

“Take over, Ensign Meech,” I directed my young colleague as I left our Stormtrooper patient in his care and rushed to Hux’s side. Anyone seeing the General and I standing together may have mistaken us for siblings, so similar were our red tresses, but that’s where the similarity ended.

Looking down at the gurney the staff had delivered I saw, very unlike Hux’s and mine, a head of very thick, dark hair matted into a jagged tear across a cheek, and a body scorched, maimed and hemorrhaging. The man’s visage was twisted in a grimace, his eyes shut tightly behind the ventilation mask feeding him a lifeline of oxygenation.

“I’ll need to get him undressed so I can ascertainꟷ”

“Not here, you don’t,” Hux whispered huskily. “He needs to be taken to a private area,” he commanded as he dismissed the two men at his side.

I looked at Hux askance. “What, why, General? Forgive me, but I can’t leave the triage area,” I explained, waving toward the rest of the infirmary. “I have twenty other patients who need me, Sir! Do you not realize we just had a major disaster?” I demanded incredulously.

Hux shoved his finger in my face. “You can, and you will, Lieutenant!” he fumed as I retreated. “Do you know who this is?” he demanded tightly.

I looked again at the patient on the gurney. He’d now turned his head to the side and I was able to see his profile as well as a wound in his right shoulder. What struck me, however, was the helmet next to his hip. It was black and silver with a textured surface, no mouth and narrow eye slits… I inhaled sharply, my hand flying to my face.

“Yes,” Hux confirmed, “and you will find an isolated area to administer treatment to him or I will have you summarily brought up on charges of insubordination!” he spat as he turned on his heel and marched out of the med suite.

“Yes, Sir,” I saluted solemnly at his retreating figure. “Ensign Meech!” I cried across the infirmary as I tucked the mask discreetly under the patient’s cloak. “Please come help me, we need to get this patient to a private area.”

Meech rushed to my side and yanked the surgical mask down from his sweaty face. “All of the rooms are occupied, Lieutenant,” he reported breathlessly. Frustration overwhelmed me as I neared my limit. I’d been treating troopers for six hours straight and I was running out of patience and energy. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me.

“Meech, let’s get this stretcher out into the hallway,” I ordered.

“We’re not going to treat him in the hallway, are we, Lieutenant?” he asked in disbelief as we slid the gurney through the automated doors.

“No,” I replied, “we’re going to treat him in his own room. Grab a trauma cart, burn treatments, and follow me.”

As I hauled the burdened gurney down the hallway, I couldn’t help staring down at my patient. I could see his jaw was clenched tightly against what must have been an inordinate amount of pain, but he hadn’t made so much as a single moan despite the fact that he had suffered multiple wounds located who-only-knew where. I was going to have hours of work ahead of me, and a man’s life in my hands – Kylo Ren’s life.

I stopped at a directory panel and looked up the location of his quarters which, thankfully, appeared to be situated at the far end of one of the lower levels, giving us the privacy needed to hide his condition from prying eyes and ears. I wasn’t sure how much pain the treatment would cause and I couldn’t risk anyone hearing him scream.

Meech caught up to us just as the door to Ren’s quarters slid open, revealing a stark, dark gray room bare of decoration and utilitarian in nature. The walls were sleek, smooth, gunmetal black panels while the floor was comprised of wide, glossy, Mustafarian basalt tiles. We glided the gurney up to the power panel next to Ren’s bed. I removed the ventilation mask and began making my diagnosis.

“We need to get him stabilized, Meech.” He nodded in agreement and began helping me undress Ren, using snips and carefully working the tattered material around his wounds and off his body. What beheld us was a mixture of beauty and tragedy.

Kylo Ren was a specimen of manhood such as I had never beheld in my many years of treating soldiers. He was exceedingly tall if a bit gangly, but not disproportionate. His physique was sleek and solid, and his skin was pale, smooth and tightly muscled underneath. Regrettably, that noble alabaster flesh was mottled by angry red slashes and perforations.

“Are these laser shots, or what?” Meech asked. My gaze drifted over Kylo’s frame as my mind sought to diagnose the wounds surrounded by cauterized flesh which had swollen with fluid from laser burns. The sores were oozing and angry, and had to be hurting enormously.

“They’re lightsaber cuts, Meech,” I corrected my young assistant. “Hand me the scanner, please.” Meech passed me an instrument that would tell me how deeply the cuts went, how much tissue had been damaged and what his body was doing in response. Sadly, the readings showed he suffered third degree burns over fifteen percent of his body and he was in shock. He was sweaty and now that he was naked, he was starting to catch a chill as his blood pressure dropped precipitously, his limbs trembled and his vitals were reading as thready.

“Meech, stim pen now, he’s going to crash on us.”

As my assistant dug the drug out of the crash kit, I spoke to Kylo Ren. I wasn’t really sure what to call him.

“Lord Ren, um, Sir?”

“Kylo…” he whispered to me.

“Kylo, we need to debride these injuries before I can begin sealing them. It’s going to be extremely painful, so I need to give you a sedative,” I advised.

He was still silently focused, absorbed in his pain and struggling to maintain consciousness. I jabbed him with the stimulant and he responded immediately, which was a good sign. His dark eyes flashed open and he directed his glazed gaze at me. “You’re not putting me to sleep,” he responded starkly.

“You’re burned, this is no time for heroics,” I advised him. “I know you’re strong, but these aren’t simple cuts.”

He glared at me. “No anesthesia,” he gasped, trying not to cry out, “numbing is fine.” I knew it would be fruitless to argue, and having heard tales of his temperament and penchant for cruelty, I was loathe to attempt reasoning with him any further. I had to start, like it or not. Meech looked at me questioningly, but I shook my head as if to say, ‘Don’t even ask.’

The young medic assisted me in preparing the tools and equipment, and we set up a small operating area. We injected a dose of hydrating fluids and then administered the local anesthetic in one area at a time, amazed at how many injuries he’d sustained and yet survived. We had troopers in the infirmary with fewer wounds who were dying.

I watched Kylo descend into a trance that he maintained as we worked one area after another. His self-discipline was extraordinary, and in the twelve years I’d served as a First Order medic, I’d never seen a patient hold up so well under such conditions. For hours, Meech and I debrided, cleaned and sealed his wounds, from the gash on his face to the puncture on his shoulder and the tear across his chest and pelvis. Kylo had assorted other bumps and bruises which I felt best to treat as little as possible for the time being.

When everything was completed, Ensign Meech and I lifted Kylo into his own bed. The wounded man momentarily grunted in pain and I covered him with a sheet, leaving him completely nude underneath to allow his skin to breath and disturb him as little as possible. I then relieved Meech for some much-needed rest. “Come back in the morning and you can help me get him up and moving, alright?” I asked my assistant.

“Won’t you be changing shifts with the next crew, ma’am?” Meech inquired.

“No, Meech,” I declined, “I’m going to stay and watch over him.”

Meech shrugged his shoulders, gathered up the equipment and saluted as he left for the evening. It was now well into the early morning hours and the ship had gone quiet.

Looking around Kylo Ren’s quarters and truly taking in the environment for the first time, I realized how spare the furnishings were. Aside from the bed there was a chair and desk, all in black lacquer, and a refresher room, no more. His quarters were too far from the med bay for us to respond quickly enough for my liking should complications develop, so I would have to stay here for the night, despite the lack of furnishings. It also afforded me the opportunity to avoid General Hux’s scrutiny for the time being. I quietly carried the chair over to the side of the bed so I could maintain my vigil over the patient.

I lifted the sheet to check his wounds and gazing over his form, I observed him more closely. There were several old scars on other areas of his body, probably a result of whatever training went into the making of a knight of his prestige. I also noticed the rhythmic rising and falling of his chest as he slumbered. I was relieved he was sleeping since it would do his body a world of good for healing.

Resigned to the sparse condition of the quarters, I settled into the chair and rested my feet on the bed frame where I promptly fell asleep myself, so worn out I was from the day’s events…

After what seemed only a few moments, I was awakened by a noise at the head of the bed. My own head was now on the mattress near the foot of the bed and I could hear Kylo mumbling. My immediate concern was that he’d torn one of his sutures. He was whispering incomprehensibly and shaking his head. Inspecting his stitches, nothing seemed amiss so I replaced the sheet and checked his vitals. His heart rate was slightly elevated, but it seemed he was enduring nothing worse than a bad dream.

Lying in the bed, damaged and sore, Kylo Ren looked nothing like the dark, looming figure who prowled the halls of the _Finalizer_ intimidating all in his wake. Instead, he looked like the callow youth he truly was; a vulnerable boy with no one to comfort him. No one had come by to check on him, asked after his well-being or shown concern whether he’d lived or died, even General Hux. Ignoring my medical oath to maintain a professional distance from my patients, I reached out and gently stroked his jet locks, and his strained mumbling ceased. I left my hand there for a few more moments until I was sure he had fallen back into a deeper stage of slumber, and returned to sleep myself, falling into a deep torpor during which I dreamed of a large black mynock who came to carry me away…


	2. Complications

CHAPTER TWO

Through a sleepy haze, I heard my combadge buzzing insistently and I panicked it would wake my patient, but I needn’t have worried. The bed was empty and I could see the light on in the refresher room though the slightly cracked door.

“Sharva here,” I responded.

“Lieutenant Sharva, where are you?” barked Captain Dentley, my commanding officer.

As I looked around at the quarters which were now more brightly lit in day mode, I replied in a half-whisper, “I’m in the quarters of Kylo Ren.”

“Well, what in the Moons of Moldour are you doing there?” he demanded.

Hesitant to say more than what was necessary to keep me out of trouble, I scrambled for an explanation. “I was assigned to him by General Hux. There were some medical… developments… that took place yesterday, which I am not privy to divulge.”

Silence greeted me from the other end of the com unit as I saw the light in the refresher room go out. I wanted to see to my patient and took that as a chance to escape the conversation.

“Captain Dentley, I have to check on my patient. I will return to the med bay for duty as soon as practicably possible and will keep you updated in the meantime. I’m sorry this has inconvenienced you.”

His reply was curt. “Very well, Sharva, but I expect a full explanation upon your return.”

“Yes, sir,” I said, too tired to argue with him over what I would or would not be able to tell him.

As the com unit cut out, Kylo Ren appeared at the door of the refresher room wearing a towel around his waist, for which I was grateful. He appeared pale and disoriented and I was terrified he would pass out and I wouldn’t be able to get his hulking form off the floor.

“Sir, stay there, please!” I begged him as I raced across the room.

“I’m fine,” he said as he waved me away. I was accustomed to my patients obeying me unquestioningly owing to their indoctrination, but I knew he was going to be a hard case and I doubted I had the wherewithal to deal with a stubborn, argumentative patient. I attempted the straightforward approach instead.

“Sir, I would greatly appreciate it if you would not put me in a position of being disciplined for failing to effectively maintain your health while you’re in my care,” I pleaded, raising my eyebrows expectantly.

My entreaties seemed to bring him to a moment of clarity and he assented begrudgingly, allowing me to support him on my arm back to the bed. Once settled in, I checked his sutures which appeared to have held up well overnight.

“Your wounds look good,” I observed. “I’m just going to apply some topical bacta so we can speed up the healing and hopefully avoid any scars.”

He nodded silently and laid out straighter on his mattress so I could reach all of him. It was in the artificial daylight of the quarters that I could now more fully appreciate his exquisite form. Had our bio-engineers built a man, they could not have formed a more perfect being. However, Kylo Ren wasn’t perfect – he was imperfect but in a way that was pleasing to the eye, that made him more real. From the asymmetry of his abdominal muscling to the aquiline nose that looked like it had been borrowed from an ancestor, an admirer found something uniquely interesting to appreciate at every curve, joint and feature, but all of which blended together in a perfect symphony of attractiveness. As I applied the bacta liquid to his wounds as gently as I could, he watched me carefully, perhaps not fully trusting, perhaps curious.

“The bacta is a biological treatment with regenerative propertiesꟷ“

“I know what bacta is,” he interrupted gently, the deep baritone of his voice resounding in the spartan room.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure. I wanted to make sure you knew what I was doing,” I explained as I continued applying the salve. “I don’t like to keep my patients ignorant. It’s not fair, and I find they’re more cooperative when they understand why I’m doing what I’m doing.”

“I’ve had more than my share of this treatment,” he reassured me.

“I saw,” I responded with a slight smile.

He cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes at me.

Fearing I’d insulted him, I quickly explained myself. “Your old wounds, I observed them during the treatment,” I stammered. “I could tell you’ve had prior injuries. Very good work,” I commented, trying to maintain my professional demeanor.

“Good enough from rebel scum,” he sneered as he lay back, staring at the ceiling.

I wasn’t sure what he was referring to and I was nervous I was treading dangerous ground, so I changed the subject.

“I’m going to need you to rest for a couple of days,” I said dryly. “The wounds were deep, resulted in severe burns and your body has gone through a shock.”

“Not going to happen,” he demurred.

“Again,” I responded, “if your recovery is not what General Hux expects, I could find myself in serious trouble. Do consider taking the time to give your body what it needs, please,” I pleaded with him.

“I suppose I could take a day or two to recover,” he agreed begrudgingly.

“Thank you, sir,” I responded. “I really appreciate it.”

The quarters’ door notification sounded and I remembered, I’d asked Meech to return and help me this morning. Before I could assure him I would get the door, Kylo Ren held up his hand behind me and the door release activated from the inside. I was stunned.

He looked at me as if to dare me to question him, so instead I went over to greet Meech, toting a cart of supplies behind him.

“Good morning, Lieutenant,” he saluted me.

“Good morning, Meech,” I replied, “our patient is doing rather well this morning, thank you for your help last night.”

“Sir,” Meech saluted as he acknowledged Kylo Ren, then passed me the cart of supplies and sustenance, including some breakfast.

“This is sufficient for now, I think I can handle him from here,” I reassured the young ensign. Sandy blond hair fell over his ears as he removed his cap and Meech twisted the headwear in sweaty hands. He looked concerned and I could tell he was worried about leaving me alone with Kylo Ren, now that our patient was conscious and on the mend.

“It’s alright, Meech,” I reassured him quietly as I unpacked the cart. “He’s fine – we’re both fine.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he acknowledged. Looking past my shoulder one last time at our patient before retreating, Meech saluted on his way out.

“He’s a good kid,” Kylo Ren observed after my subordinate departed.

I looked into his eyes as I brought him a nutrition pack. “Yes, we’ve worked together for about two years now. I don’t know what I’d do without him sometimes,” I replied.

Kylo looked down at the pack I handed him and appeared wistful. I wondered if he had someone he could rely upon, someone who was there for him and with him when he needed it most, but I was doubtful. What little I’d seen and knew of him, he was either always with General Hux or by himself. Many people were frightened of him, while some simply resented him.

“After you eat something, I can take you into the refresher room and help you get cleaned up. You’ll have to take a sonic shower, though,” I warned, “We can’t get your sutures wet just yet.”

Remembering what had happened to him yesterday, he looked down at the swollen gashes marring his body and I saw something pass over his features. Not self-pity or anger but more like regret.

“You should heal very well, sir, we got to your wounds in good time,” I tried to reassure him. He seemed to have been lost in contemplation.

“Hm?” he asked. “Oh, yes, I’m sure,” he concurred, then returned to whatever thoughts were occupying his mind while he ripped open the nutrition pack with a look of antipathy.

“I’ll try to get something more appealing to you for your mid-day meal,” I said as I tucked into my own.

“Tell me something,” Kylo said as we ate, “why are you doing what you’re doing?”

I was surprised by his question. “Well, when I was conscripted, the exams showed I had a propensity for biology, so they assigned me to the medical detachmentꟷ”

“No,” he interrupted, “why are you staying here with me? You could have changed shifts like Meech suggested, had someone else come, or you could have just left me here to rot. Why?” he inquired again.

My face flushed. Should I tell him it was because he intrigued me and I was attracted to his persona and his physique? That I wanted to be near him, to get to know him? That I felt compassion for him and wanted him to feel a sense of comfort from another being?

“My professional ethics,” I dissembled, “dictate that it’s my responsibility to watch over my patients and ensure their well-being until they’re healed. It’s not a responsibility I take lightly, nor something I wanted put in someone else’s hands under the circumstances, especially with General Hux supervising my performance.”

“Admirable,” he smirked. “And sensible, considering Hux’s temperament.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to his observation. I couldn’t tell if he was mocking me, and I didn’t want to agree with him about the General for fear he would repeat my comments to Hux himself.

Seeing he’d finished the small meal, I took our packages to the recycler. “Well, let’s get you up and into the shower, shall we?” I asked.

Kylo swung his long legs carefully over the side of the bed, favoring his right hip.

“Take it slow,” I cautioned him as I stood by to lend my arm for balance. “If the sutures tear, we’ll be back to square one and your healing time will just be that much longer.” He looked at me slightly annoyed and I wondered if I was nagging him too much. Nevertheless, he let me help him hobble over to the refresher, and as I opened the door for him to enter, he dropped the towel. I gasped audibly and then coughed to cover my mistake. “Sorry, that nutrition bar stuck in my throat,” I explained.

“Hmm…” he replied dubiously as he observed me through narrowed eyes.

“I’m going to get us some water, I’ll be right back,” I said as I excused myself from the refresher room. I heard the shower click on behind me, and I congratulated myself on finding an excuse to escape the confines of the small space. I was having a hard time maintaining my professional distance from Kylo, and I found myself torn between wanting to run from his quarters and being drawn back into the refresher to watch his beautiful, broken body…

The decision was made for me when I heard a roar of pain and anger. I raced back to the refresher and found him punching the wall with his eyes tightly shut. I was both frightened by him and concerned for his condition.

“What happened?” I asked tightly.

“Torn… stitches…” he spat out between gritted teeth, much to my dismay.

“Stay there, I’ll be right back,” I replied calmly as I turned back to the bedroom for my med kit. When I returned to the refresher, I found he’d slid down the wall and was lying on his side, trying to extend his hip. Of course, these stitches had torn. Joints were exceptionally difficult to work with and the pelvis was no exception.

“Trying to do some exercises is here, huh?” I joked, trying to calm us both.

“I don’t find this amusing, Lieutenant,” he admonished.

“Niela,” I replied as I applied a numbing agent to the re-opened wound.

“What?” he asked in an exasperated tone.

“My name is Niela. I call you Kylo, you call me Niela, deal?” I asked.

“Yes, fine,” he spat angrily, “so stop calling me ‘sir’.”

I continued working quietly, using a dermal regenerator to knit the flesh together as reinforcement before re-stitching the gash that ran diagonally across his pelvis.

He was more conscious during this procedure, and I noticed that as my hands strayed close to his groin, his manhood responded to my touch.

“I’m sorry, Kylo, I’m trying not to make you, um, uncomfortable.”

“Who says you’re making me uncomfortable?” he asked quietly.

I looked up at him, trying to hide my surprise. Was he enjoying my closeness?

“Well, nobody likes getting stitches, right?” I joked in an attempt to distract him.

“Wouldn’t be the first time, won’t be the last.”

“How many of these injuries have you had?” I asked.

“You tell me?” he sneered.

As the dermal generator did its work under my one hand, I pulled a towel into the stall with the other, handing it to him.

He appeared grateful, covering his front with it while avoiding the ruptured wound. I then realized his head was lying on the cold tile floor and reached back again to pull another towel into the stall. As I reached over to place it behind his head, he seemed surprised because he flinched at first, as if I were going to attack him.

“Just for a pillow, that’s all,” I reassured him.

His face softened as he lay back on the improvised cushioning.

“It should only be another few minutes,” I said, looking at him apologetically. He nodded silently.

“How’s your pain level?” I asked. I could tell from his vitals he was very uncomfortable, but I like patients to tell me as the scopes aren’t always a true indicator.

“I’m fine,” he replied in measured tones. But I didn’t think so. He was far from fine. He was angry, lonely, and hurting. Still, he was strong, and rumored to be a Knight of Ren, a former Jedi who’d been betrayed by his Master and later rescued by Supreme Leader Snoke. He seemed a very complex man indeed.

I layered additional sutures on top of the dermal regeneration and with the treatment complete, I applied another layer of bacta gel and tried to help him to his feet, although he batted away my attempts to assist him. I had to look away while he rose, his towel falling to the floor as he held the walls with both hands.

“ARGHHH!” he exclaimed in pain as he extended his leg, the anesthetic having worn off. Shaking his head back and forth, his long tresses fluttered like a shimmering ebony curtain as he banged on the shower with both fists. I was afraid he was going to damage something, or someone, and I instinctively gasped and shrunk back against the far wall of the refresher.

I realized he heard me when he stopped suddenly and raised his deep brown eyes to meet my own sea green ones. In that instance, I couldn’t help but be reminded of an animal who suddenly discovers he’s been observed tearing into his prey. We both froze and the space between us seemed suspended in time.

Desperate to break the tension, I joked. “You don’t have to shake yourself off, you never got wet!”

My jest seemed to take a moment to register, but a slight smirk broke across his face. Short, stilted sounds of laughter escaped from him as we felt the tension leave the small room.

“I’ll leave you to finish up in here,” I said. “If you need me, I’ll be in the other room.”

He nodded his head and as I turned to leave he called after me.

“Niela?”

“Yes?” I asked, turning back to him.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized hesitantly, as if the words were foreign to him. “And, thank you,” he added shyly, almost unable to meet my eyes.

“No need for apologies, I am at your command, Sir,” I replied cheekily.

He grinned in response as I closed the door behind me.


	3. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, kiddies, here's where it starts to get good (or bad, depending on your point of view). Shit's getting weird.  
> NEW TAGS ADDED: Non-Con, Graphic Descriptions, Mental Illness, Domestic Violence.  
> This is an evolving work, other tags may be added as needed. Keep an eye on the Summary and Header Tags  
> Thanks for hanging in while I recuperated, hope you are enjoying!

I left my patient sleeping in the dim light of his quarters as the day came to a close. He seemed to finally be resting comfortably. I had straightened up the quarters so that at least he would have clean surroundings in which to recover, and I returned to the medbay to report in to Captain Dentley and explain my bizarre absence.

Looking up from the patient care station, Dentley addressed me with an arched eyebrow.

“Have you looked in a hologlass today, Sharva?” he demanded half-amused and half-annoyed.

“Yes, I have, Captain,” I replied, running my fingers through my auburn tresses. “I know I’m a sight, I just wanted to check in with you before I returned to my quarters to clean up.”

His brow arched a bit higher, eliciting irritation from me.

“Trust me, this was one of the least pleasant twenty-four-hour periods of my life, I’d rather have been here mopping up after the troops.”

“Do tell,” he responded, “why don’t you come into my day room and we’ll talk.”

I followed, tired but resigned and realizing I owed him an explanation. The door swooped closed behind us and as I handed Kylo Ren’s treatment file over to the Captain for safe-keeping, I gave him the short recap of my encounter with General Hux, the medical treatments Ensign Meech and I conducted in Ren’s quarters, and the current status of our patient.

“I believe it’s in the First Order’s best interests to keep his current condition a secret, Captain,” I advised. “He should recover soon, but for the next few days, his weakness could leave a vacuum of power in the command structure and I don’t want to be the one to have created a crisis because Ren is out of commission.”

Scrolling through my copious notes on the datapad, Dentley’s salt and pepper head nodded in silent agreement as he ascertained the true extent of Kylo’s injuries. “Hmm…” he said, rubbing a grizzled shadow of a beard around his jawline, “not pretty, but could have been much worse.”

“True,” I assented, “I’m glad it wasn’t, because I couldn’t have given him more complex treatment in his quarters and things would have gotten messy… for all of us.”

As he placed the datapad back on his desk, we looked at each other knowingly. Supreme Leader Snoke’s “favored son,” so to speak, was a precious commodity, and had we been responsible for his demise, ours would surely have followed soon after. The sudden realization of how close the med team had come to facing a fate worse than death rattled me. Dentley recognized this and reached into his desk, coming up with a bottle. I looked at him quizzically.

“Don’t stare at me like that, Sharva,” he said annoyedly.

“Not staring, Sir, just… surprised?”

He placed two small cups on the desk next to the bottle and poured me a shot.

“Have a shot of kyrf, go back to your quarters, take a nap, and come back here this evening,” Dentley said before he downed a shot of the potent liquor. “Ack! Vile liquid,” he said, wiping his mouth on his jacket sleeve. “In the meantime, I’ll contact the Supreme Leader to report in on Ren’s condition.”

“And say what? ‘Oh, here’s a note, he’ll be out sick a coupla days’?” I sneered, giggling.

Dentley joined my reverie, the laughter breaking the tension we’d been living under since the evacuation. Eventually, our amusement subsided and we returned to the matter at hand.

“In all seriousness, Sharva, you did a fine job. I will need to make a report to High Command to explain Ren’s absence and his expected return. The question now is, how to handle him until that day arrives.”

“I’ve already established a rapport with our patient,” I volunteered, “I don’t mind following through until we can get him back to operating capacity.”

Dentley nodded pensively but seemed to have reservations.

“Captain?” I prompted him.

His voiced turned even and serious. “Lieutenant Sharva, I know you take your responsibilities seriously, but I want you to consider very carefully with whom you are dealing.”

I hesitated for a moment, unsure what he meant.

“Ren is part of the High Command, I understand he is very important and can be a bit imperious–“

“That’s not what I mean, Sharva,” he sighed, frustrated. “Dammit, don’t make me come out and say it.”

“Look, Captain, I’m sorry,” I apologized, leaning against his desk, “I’m really not trying to be difficult.”

“Sharva, he’s a madman,” the Captain stated flatly.

The space between us went still as I leaned back in my seat. No more words were necessary. I knew now what Dentley was worried about: that I would have to relive the pain and abuse of the final year of my relationship with my late companion Varryl.

I pushed my cup back across the desk at Captain Dentley and he kindly poured me another.

Swallowing the shot in one gulp this time, I set the cup down and choked back a hiccup, my eyes tearing up at the memory of the man I had loved but who had turned against me through no fault of his own.

“Are you sure you’re up for it? Don’t answer me now, like I said, go back to quarters, freshen up and we’ll talk about it later tonight.”

As I stood, I wiped the tears inconspicuously from the corner of my eyes with my fingertips and saluted. “Aye, Captain Dentley.”

“Dismissed, Sharva.”

I heard the double medbay doors hiss closed quietly behind me, but as I trudged back to my quarters, my curiosity got the better of me and instead of turning starboard to head to my quarters, I turned to port and headed down the long, dimly lit hallway that lead to Kylo’s quarters.

I found myself standing in front of the doors, unsure why I had come back so soon or what I hoped to accomplish. I lied to myself, telling myself I just wanted to make sure he was ok, but I knew I wanted to see him again, so drawn to him I was.

Being afraid to awaken him, I used my medical door override key and I observed the quarters were in near complete darkness when I entered. It took my eyes a moment to adjust from the brightly lit hallways of the starship but eventually, I was able to make out that his mattress in the bedroom was unoccupied. I walked over to the refresher’s open door and peeked quickly around, not wanting to catch him in the nude, but it appeared he wasn’t there either.

Checking my compad, I tracked down his current location – he was indeed here in his quarters. But he wasn’t here. Unless… I realized, there may be other doors or rooms in the quarters that I hadn’t yet seen. As I walked the perimeter, I looked for entry pads, levers, anything that would reveal a sliding door or panel behind which he might be ensconced. There, on the far side of the main room was a faint red glow emanating from below a single slate colored panel. I touched the entry pad to the side and the door hissed and hesitated slightly before shifting to the side.

There, across a great long gantry, knelt Kylo Ren before a massive obsidian throne, upon which sat a holoprojection of our Supreme Leader, Snoke. Ren was dressed only in long black pants and a long, sleeveless robe which spilled in folds on the floor. As his caregiver, my first thought was of his current condition and I started to cry out for him. Unfortunately, my reflexes were faster than my common sense, and his name was out of my throat before I could stop myself. The sound of Kylo’s name being shouted across the great room echoed in stark contrast to the conversation the two authoritative men were having, and I wished with every fiber of my being I could have taken it back.

They both whirled to eye me in unison, a look of shock on the face of Ren but a glare of anger from Supreme Leader. Realizing I had to bring this to a resolution quickly one way or another, I fairly raced down the gantry to Ren’s side and joined him kneeling on the floor, my head bowed in submission to our Supreme Leader whom I’d never laid eyes on in person before.

“My most sincere apologies, Supreme Leader. I am Kylo Ren’s physician.”

“Oh, are you, now?” the Supreme Leader mocked as Kylo angrily eyed me sideways.

“Yes, your… um, Worship,” I said, stumbling over the ceremonial niceties. No one had ever prepared me for this moment and I was grasping at salutations. “I was assigned to care for Ren by General Hux, and it has been my pleasure to do so. I’m very sorry to interrupt, I was checking in on our patient to assure his continued healing.”

“He is fine, girl,” Snoke replied stonily. “Now, go.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader!” I saluted him as I retreated hastily, grateful to have an escape. I looked back before the door closed behind me to see Kylo struggling to rise from his knees. It tore me apart watching him in pain, so I waited in the anteroom for Kylo to return. After what seemed like forever, the door slid aside again and Kylo emerged from the throne room sweaty, pale and exhausted.

“Kylo!” I rushed to his side.

“Stupid woman,” he responded darkly, a backhand meeting me before I had reached him.

I was, unfortunately, practiced at this, and I cradled my stinging cheek in the palm of my hand as I waited for my punishment. I knew I had made a serious error, and I would pay for it now.

“I’m so sorry, I was worried you were in need of help, and I had no idea it was forbidden for me to look in your quarters for you! Please forgive me.”

He seemed ameliorated by my response but continued his harangue.

“Do you realize what you’ve done?” he hissed.

I shook my head slightly.

“The Supreme Leader thinks I’m being coddled by a nursemaid, that I can’t fend for myself! No one asked you to come back here!” His forehand reached out and cracked me across the other cheek this time.

Stars lit up my field of vision, and now both cheeks were hot, both from pain and shame. I had caused trouble for Kylo Ren and embarrassed myself in front of the Supreme Leader. What would I say to Captain Dentley?

“I’m sorry, Sir. It won’t happen again, I’ll have my superior lock out the security codes for this suite.”

“See that you do,” he replied tightly. “Now come here, you’re back, you might as well make yourself useful.”

As Kylo disrobed and lay on his bed, I opened the medkit I’d left in his nightstand, powering up the scanner. As I turned to minister to him, his body once again brought burning desire to my gut. He had no idea what he was doing to me…

“Yes, I do,” he replied.

I stopped cold, dropping the scanner to the floor where it resounded with a clang and clattering against my boot.

“You read my mind!” I exhaled.

He merely smirked at me and commanded, “Pick that up.”

I scrambled to retrieve the tool, confused beyond words and now trying to figure out what he might have already gleaned from my thoughts over the last couple of days as well as how to keep him out going forward.

“But you can’t,” he replied as I ran the scanner over his sutures. Chills ran down my arms and spine, my blood turning to ice.

“It’s not all that bad,” he mocked, “you’re quite transparent and simple, not a challenge at all, really.”

“Please stop,” I begged him, “it’s not polite, and it’s not fair.”

“Fair?! Polite?!?” he erupted. “You DARE to lecture me about what’s polite and fair after you intrude on my inner sanctum, interrupting a private conversation with the two most powerful men in the First Order? Who in Hellios do you think you are?!”

And at that, an invisible vise surrounded my throat, cutting off my air supply and making me feel like the tiny bones in my neck would be crushed like so many ice cubes. I dropped the scanner again and grappled with the unseen grip, clawing at incorporeal fingers while I tried desperately to breathe, the darkness encroaching across my eyes and a rushing sound growing in my ears…

Just as quickly, it was gone and I lay slumped on the floor, choking and gasping. I knew he had done it; I just didn’t know how.

“Please, Sir, I’m sorry!” I coughed out.

Kylo leaned over me, menacingly. “I know you are.”

The tone of his voice was frightening, and I was starting to see what Captain Dentley meant, but I tried quickly to cover my thoughts, instead looking again for the scanner and concentrating on the color of the buttons.

“Get back to work and keep your comments to yourself, Sharva,” he commanded. I merely nodded my head and went about checking his wounds. They showed signs of advanced healing, and I believed he was most likely out of serious trouble. He would need several more days to regenerate, but it would be over very soon and then I would be able to rid myself of his presence.

“Admit it, you like being here, worrying over me,” Kylo taunted. “Gives you a sense of purpose you’ve been lacking since he died.”

The jab hurt worse than anything else he’d done to me today, and had I not been so tired and afraid, I’d have responded in kind. But I didn’t have it in me, I just wanted to return to my quarters, like I should have after leaving the medbay. I damned myself for a fool.

“Your condition is improving, Sir. If you have no further need of me, I’ll retire for the night.”

“No, Sharva, I do have _further need_ of you,” he replied as he rolled onto his side, his massive palm now wrapped around the shaft of his immense cock, his fingers pumping slowly up and down the shaft.

I thought I would faint, but I braced myself and stood my ground. I would not let this overgrown teenager get the best of me.

“And what would you have of me, Sir?” I asked steadily.

“Your mouth, Sharva.”

Dreading further punishment, I obediently knelt down next to the side of his bed as he swung his legs over the side. He spread them wide, giving me a clear view of his penis and testicles, both heavy and enormous. The sheer size of them frightened me nearly as much as his aggression, but I resigned myself to pleasuring him quickly so I could escape because I knew the longer I struggled, the longer and the more difficult he would make it.

“Sharva, you’re lying to yourself,” he whispered as he placed his hand around the back of my head. “You want this, and I don’t even need to use The Force to know exactly how much.” And with the last, he pressed my head forward into his crotch as he buried my face in his groin. I scrambled to position my hands so that I could manipulate his manhood into a better position, and to cradle his balls as I pleasured him with my lips and tongue.

He was a horrible person on the inside, but on the outside, he felt and smelt exquisite. A faint sheen of sweat coated him with a layer of his musk that smelled deep and arousing. The hair of his crotch was downy and soft, and I was ashamed to admit I was enjoying the feeling of the warm, firm head of his prick sliding over my lips, the ridge popping back and forth as I rode his massive member with my face. The pheromones and hormones he was exuding were intoxicating, and while I knew I would regret my behavior in the morning, my long, lonely days called out to me from deep in my soul, desperate for the touch of a man, even for a cruel one…

He lay back on the bed, his hips flexing as he began gently stroking my hair and calling out to me, “Neila… oh, Neila, soon…” And then, he bucked against me, his testicles tightening in my hand as his body began pumping out his climax into my waiting throat. I swallowed, again and again, nearly choking as I struggled to meet the flow of seed as it erupted and he sighed contentedly, falling asleep almost immediately.

Free of his attentions, I gathered myself and my equipment and crept from his quarters as silently as I could, frantic to hide my shame from myself and the universe. When I returned to my own quarters, I stripped out of my stained and stale uniform, turned on the shower and collapsed on the cold floor under the water as I wept like a scolded child who’d lost her toy…


	4. Arrogation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Readers- as this work evolves, I'm finding it necessary to create additional tags. However, I'm afraid some of these may inhibit your enjoyment by inadvertently revealing specific plot points. To counter that, I am going to add any new tags in the bottom comments of the pertinent chapter. This will enable you to avoid seeing the tags in the top comments or header, but you'll be able to quickly scroll down past the chapter, check the tags in the bottom comments, and if you are willing to proceed, you can. I hope this enables you to continue enjoying the story without losing the mystery nor being blindsided by something unpleasant. And I appreciate you following along for the ride!

Looking myself over in the mirror after my shower, I tried to figure out how best to hide the bruising from my earlier encounter with Ren. My mouth was swollen from both the fellatio I’d been forced to perform as well as a split lip resulting from the cracks across the face, which had also left purple welts highlighting my cheekbones.

It brought back bitter memories of Varryl’s last days before his death. My longtime companion had turned from someone I could trust and rely upon into a monster I no longer recognized but couldn’t bring myself to abandon. Yet, here I was again, faced with a man to whom I was attracted but who would subject me to mistreatment I hadn’t earned. And I would have to do the same thing now as I did before – I would deal with one feature of this man at a time.

As I applied concealing cream to my face, I thought how I was doing the same with my feelings – erase it, cover it up, make it so you don’t notice… The door notification sounded, startling me out of my mental meandering. I was afraid who it might be, but nevertheless I set down the compact and answered the door to my quarters.

Standing in the hallway, scowling, was Captain Dentley. His face was dark, but seeing me, even behind the makeup, his jaw dropped.

“Please come in, Captain,” I asked, bracing myself for the lecture surely to come.

“Niela,” he pleaded gently, referring to me by my first name in the privacy of my rooms. I could hear both concern and disappointment in his voice. He knew I’d disobeyed him in a way, disregarding his fears for my safety.

“You warned me, Captain,” I admitted sheepishly, sighing. “I couldn’t help myself, I had to go back to check up on him after I left you. But you were right.”

“Niela,” Captain Dentley said somberly, placing his hands on both my shoulders, “I know I told you to consider whether you thought you could handle him,” he replied grimly, his eyes darkening, “but now we have no choice.”

“What do you mean, Captain?” I asked fearfully.

“I… I can’t help you,” he stammered, his arms dropping to his sides in defeat. “He’s demanded I assign you to him for the duration of his sick leave. There’s nothing I can do!” He seemed almost frantic, and I felt sorry for him.

I was silent for a moment, and then considered the situation. “Well, better me than one of the other staff,” I replied, resigned to my circumstances. “A younger woman, a less experienced one, she wouldn’t be up for this.”

“And you shouldn’t have to be, Sharva,” he answered angrily. “We’re here to serve the First Order, not this petulant bastardꟷ”

As my hand shot out to cover his mouth, his eyes opened wide.

“Don’t, Captain”, I begged him, “please. You don’t know what he can do.”

As I withdrew my hand, Captain Dentley held it gently for a moment, a fatherly gesture I appreciated. Davin Dentley had been one of my closest companions since joining the First Order, and I appreciated how much he looked out for me.

I smiled tightly at him, a small expression to try reassuring him I would be alright.

“I’d better check in on him before the evening shift,” I said quietly, gathering the equipment I’d need for my rounds.

“Come see me afterward,” he asked worriedly.

“I will,” I assured him as we left my quarters and headed in separate directions.

Making the long trek down to Kylo’s quarters for his evening follow-up visit, I considered, as Dentley had advised, with whom I was dealing. But who was this man? He could open doors with his mind, read my thoughts, touch my body from across the room, enter deep trances to escape pain that would have sent another person into a coma. Was this The Force? I knew so little about Jedi or Sith or whomever they were. My mind focused on science – what I could see and prove, not some mysterious energy that could be manipulated against unsuspecting victims.

I braced myself for what lay behind his portal. Shame rose to my cheeks at the memory of our last encounter, flushing me with fear and something else I hadn’t felt in years. Before I even signaled my arrival, the door slid open.

“Come in, Lieutenant,” I heard his baritone announce from within, “it’s rude to loiter.”

I stepped over the threshold into the viper’s den, alone with the villain for the first time since beginning to come to terms with who he was. I struggled to keep my thoughts neutral, employing mindfulness practices by focusing on objects in the room, the feeling of my hands, the general environment, whatever would keep me from being subject to my own feelings of turmoil and projecting those feelings out to him.

“How are your wounds this evening, Sir?” I asked as I unpacked my medkit, remembering he was my patient, not my paramour.

“These damned sutures are annoying,” he mumbled as he rolled over on the mattress. He was once again clad in the black pants and long vest, lounging on black sheets. It struck me how dark the room was, his surroundings matching his insides, but I pushed down the observation and instead focused on his injuries.

“May I please check them?” I asked stiffly.

He responded only by standing and disrobing, letting his attire fall in a puddle on the cold, midnight tile as he stood facing me, naked and unapologetic.

“Lie down, please,” I requested softly.

“No.”

I considered whether I was prepared for a battle of wills, or if I should merely accommodate his whims. Realizing it made no difference to me as long as he held still, I began checking him head to toe. The wound on his face was the one that worried me most from a cosmetic point of view as some of the edges were ragged and beginning to pucker, but at the moment, I didn’t want to linger too close to his plump lips and hazel eyes.

Instead, I inspected his shoulder, touching up some of the seams with the dermal regenerator and applying more bacta gel. This went on for almost an hour as I tended all the many wounds he’d suffered. As I knelt in front of him to check his hip, his cock began to swell, and I dreaded what would come next. His right hand closed over my left and he guided it to his groin. I knew it would come to this eventually. I looked up at him, far up at his ominous height as he glared down at me, his chest heaving with slow, deep breaths. He seemed to be looking at me with both contempt and hunger, and I despised how much it thrilled me to be touching him, to be feeling the warmth spreading between my legs as I both dreaded and desired what would come next.

“You make me hate myself for how I feel when I'm with you," I snarled at him.

"Because you're weak," he spat at me, "and you know you're weak, but you don't want to admit it,” he scorned me as he yanked me to my feet by my forearms and holding me in a vise-like grip. “You like feeling helpless because you don't have to take responsibility for what happens to you, it ameliorates your sense of guilt and shame… like everyone else in my life…"

So offended was I that I struggled to tear away, but he was far stronger than I and he crushed my wrists in his giant palms. As he twisted the tender skin of my arms, threatening to snap the slender bones like twigs, I gasped and crumpled to the floor.

He buried a hand in my hair and began dragging me toward the bed, my legs sliding effortlessly across the slick tiles under his strength. “Please, stop! You don’t have to do this! I’ll comply willingly!” I pleaded, hoping beyond hope he’d show mercy. Instead, he threw me across the bed and grappled with the edges of my jacket, tearing it wide open and laying my breasts bare. I gasped in shame and instinctively drew my arms across my bosom, but he chortled deep in his chest, growling with anger and passion.

“The little lady has a sense of modesty!” he taunted.

Tears welled in my eyes and I bit my lip to keep from bawling right then and there, which only served to stimulate him further. I was beginning to see how he thrived on cruelty, how his capacity to exert himself over those weaker than himself fed his ego and filled him with a sense of power.

I tried to make myself calm and compliant, hoping it would help defuse the tension. I wanted this over as quickly as possible, so I turned my head to the side, began counting back from one hundred, feeling the texture of the sheets between my fingers…

Surprise tore me from my trance as his mouth closed over my nipple, his lush lips suckling hungrily at the pink nub. The sensation sent shockwaves through my torso, lighting a line of fire between my chest and my clit as a gasp involuntarily escaped me. His hands were like talons as they reached under my skirt and spread my thighs wide. Again, violence – he wormed his fingers under my panties and jerked at them, tearing them from around my hips as I stifled a cry.

“Your pleas mean _nothing,_ ” he growled, his voice full of disregard. “I’m going to take from you what I want and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Do you think you’re the first man to have used me for what I could give him with no regard for what it did to me?” I retorted through sobs.

“Oh, I know I’m not the first!” he laughed, his voice full of ridicule, “and I’m sure I won’t be the last!”

After pushing my skirt up around my hips, he plunged himself inside of me, burying his enormous member up to the hilt inside of my tender canal. I inhaled sharply but silently, the shock of his penetration freezing me in stillness as he began to pump away between my thighs, his pelvis pounding against me with surprising strength. As I gulped down whimpers, I regretted I’d done such a good job on his sutures and that the pain and discomfort weren’t enough to impede him from raping me with such fervor. His palms gripped my delicate breasts tightly, and the pain amplified the already-agonizing experience.

Despite my torment, I began to experience a forgotten sensation as it built from deep within my core and I reluctantly found myself rocking my hips in rhythm with his. I closed my eyes, panting, my pelvis tilting up to meet him, my hands reaching up to his forearms to steady myself as I worked to maintain our carnal cadence. Slowly, strongly, the feeling of climax began to mount within me, and he seemed very far away, but his voice came to me through the sexual haze.

“Come for me, slut,” Kylo grunted at me roughly. “Give it to me, give me your submission!”

I was panting now, frantic for release as the walls of my pussy clamped down around him, desperate to keep him deep within me. “Please!” I begged begrudgingly.

“Please what, my pet?” he jeered at me.

“More! Oh, please! Faster, deeper, oh, gods!!” I thrashed around the bed, tearing at the sheets in a frenzy, my body no longer my own but manipulated under the ministrations of supernatural seduction.

Kylo Ren delivered blow after blow into my groin until we simultaneously came together, our bodies exploding in anger, tension and lust. The pulsing sensations seemed to last forever as the grunting, groaning, moaning and cries of ecstasy that were generated between the two of us died out slowly, our wetness pooling in a warm puddle underneath me. I knew what he’d done to me was unnatural, and I both feared and accepted my fate.

I lay gasping for air for several moments as he collapsed next to me. For a brief interval, the physician in me felt concern for his well-being, but the woman who was his victim hoped he died a slow and painful death. Eventually, as the erotic cloud began to lift and we came back to ourselves, I found myself trying to re-order my thoughts and feelings. All I could do is try to feign ignorance, pretending nothing had happened and go back to what I was truly here for – to practice medicine.

“Would you excuse me?” I stated flatly, retreating to the refresher. 

I was a shambles. My uniform was torn beyond repair, my chignon was completely disheveled, and I was saturated with bodily fluids. I fought to keep myself together as I stepped into the shower to clean up. Surely, he wouldn’t begrudge me cleanliness?

As I felt the steaming water flow in sheets down my body, I allowed the tears to flow and mix with the warm rivulets. I sobbed silently as I scrubbed at my thighs and the folds of my labia. A sudden fear came over me – I hadn’t resumed my reproductive protocols since Varryl died six months earlier…

The door of the shower suddenly slid open and Kylo looked down at me passively, as if he’d simply come to check to see if the room was empty. Wordlessly, he stepped in next to me, lifted the sponge from my hand and began to tenderly cleanse me, his gaze never once leaving my own and not making a solitary sound.

We went on this way for what seemed like hours, the sponge changing hands between us as we gently washed each other. A bizarre bond was beginning to form between us that I couldn’t explain and wasn’t at all sure I detested.

Eventually, we ended our ablutions and dried off in the silence of the refresher room. Kylo took my towel from me, and setting it aside, lightly lifted me into his arms and carried me back to the bed. He set me down carefully, climbed in next to me and covered us with a sheet as he pulled me next to him. As he enveloped me in his arms, it was as if the man I’d left in this room earlier was not the one who was here with me now. As he nuzzled my hair, he spoke softly to me as if nothing untoward had passed between us.

“Tell me about Niela Sharva,” he whispered in my ear.

I was surprised again. This man was an enigma of infinite proportions, and I didn’t know how I was ever going to figure him out.

“I’m a medical technician… I’ve been with the First Order for ten years… and I lost my companion last year.”

I felt Kylo shift uncomfortably behind me, and I assumed he had heard enough, but I guessed wrong.

“Tell me more,” he asked quietly.

I told him the long, sad tale of my companion Varryl Rayllen, a science officer who was on the nuclear development team building Starkiller Base. He had been poisoned by radiation during a testing accident, and while he seemed fine at first, the after-effects eventually caused seizures that led to behavioral outbursts and we had no treatments.

“He’d be fine one moment, and furious the next. Anything or nothing could set him off, and it got so bad, I considered killing myself, I was so afraid and stressed out,” I recalled wistfully. “Eventually, he saved me by committing suicide first. He went to work one morning and jumped into the reactor core. He knew what was killing him. He wanted them to know, too.”

Kylo was silent and played tenderly with my fingers as I recalled the tragic memories.

“We had kept our relationship a secret,” I admitted, not afraid whether he would report me to High Command or not. “Once he was ill, we regretted we’d never separated into civil service. We could have gone off to live our lives together, far from the First Order, and he would still be here,” I recalled, my voice full of regret.

Kylo was quiet, and I turned to face him.

“Tell me about Kylo Ren,” I challenged him.

“That’s a long story for another time,” he whispered as he kissed me on the forehead and burrowed into my shoulder, draping his arm over my belly. Feeling like a fool, I pushed the events of the evening away from my thoughts and fell asleep in the arms of Kylo Ren – my rapist, and now my confidant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STOP - SPOILERS BELOW:  
> New tags not listed in the Header  
> (Scroll past the asterisks)  
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> Unplanned pregnancy, Original character death, Suicide, Stockholm Syndrome


	5. Realizations

“No…” I heard a voice softly mumble in my ear, just enough to wake me from the brief slumber I’d been enjoying. Kylo’s brows were knitted together as if something in his dreams was deeply disturbing to him. He continued muttering quietly, nonsensically, until I stroked his cheek and he returned to his repose. Assured that he was buried in a state of dormancy, I slid gently from the bed and returned to the refresher to dress so I could escape Ren’s quarters before he awakened. My uniform lay in tatters on the counter, and I tried my best to re-assemble myself enough to make it back to my own barracks before someone noticed. As I crept towards the door of his quarters, I took one look back at the dark knight and tried to make sense of what had happened in the room. I left him softly breathing in the bed as the door panel swished closed smoothly behind me.

I carried a towel in my arms to help cover the ripped clasps of my jacket and thankfully, no one paid much attention as I made my way back to the garrison level in which I lived. Unfortunately, my roommate was there when I returned and I resented her presence not only because I wanted to be alone, but because she was a devious, selfish little twit as well.

“Ooooh, who got the best of you, Ne-Ne?” the perky little blonde teased, her childish nickname for me adding to my already irritable state.

“No one, just ripped it on a piece of equipment in the lab,” I tried to reassure her with a lie.

“Too bad, you could use a good stiffꟷ”

“Alarna, enough, okay?” I stopped her with a glare. “You’re weirdly fascinated with my sex life, why don’t you worry about yourself?”

“So touchy,” she sneered, screwing up her pert little nose as she buckled up her overalls. “Well, if you want to bring anybody back here tonight, help yourself. I gotta work a double in the mech shop.”

I barely registered her departure as she left, so preoccupied I was with my new circumstances and all that had come with it in the last two days. I changed into a fresh uniform and made my way back to the medbay to check in with Captain Dentley as I’d promised, where I found him in his day room reviewing files.

“Captain?” I inquired as I knocked tentatively at his open doorframe.

“Come in, Sharva,” he said, pointing to a seat as the door closed behind me. He set down his datapad, looking at me with consternation. “How’s His Haughtiness doing?”

I smiled slightly at his joke, folding my hands over my lap.

“He’s resting _un_ comfortably,” I bantered back at the Captain who chuckled in response.

“And how are you doing?” he followed on, more seriously.

“I’m keeping busy,” I replied. “I think I’ll debride the dead skin from his sutures tomorrow, maybe do some grafts in the worst areas if it looks like they’re ready.” I then collected my thoughts and asked, “Where did he come from, Captain?”

Captain Dentley looked taken aback. “Hell?” he responded with contempt. “I don’t know, Sharva, and quite frankly, I don’t care,” he remarked dismissively, then pointing at me angrily, “and neither should you. We’re here to do one job, and that’s to keep these people’s bodies operating in service to the First Order.”

“I understand, Sir” I replied softly.

“I don’t know that you do,” he rebutted testily. “Look, Sharva,” he softened, “I know you’re lonely. I know it’s been hard for you since Varryl died.” He jabbed at his desk with his index finger. “This is why we forbid relationships in the Corps, because it’s a distraction from your work.” Adding more concernedly, he continued, “This man will do nothing but cause you grief and heartache.” Then, under his breath the Captain added, “He’s a monster, and a pissed-off one at that. You don’t know the hurt and pain I’ve seen him inflict on people. Don’t think you can change him, or save him from himself, or whatever other dumb ideas you may have. Give him a wide berth, Sharva. Get in there, do your job, and get out.”

“Yes, Captain,” I assented, understanding he was right and that he was doing his best to look out for me.

“Very well,” Dentley replied. “Finish your rounds and you can be dismissed.”

I saluted him silently and completed checking in on the rest of my patients for the evening, following up with the handful of troopers I’d been working with before Ren appeared and who were still here in the medbay. They had burns, crush wounds, broken bones, missing eyes and ears and digits, all the mementoes of war. Some of them were healing faster than others, but most of them would be leaving here soon to be redeployed, reinjured and make their way through the medbay again, if they were lucky.

Suddenly, exhaustion overcame me. Checking my datapad, I noted my shift was over and I packed up for the evening, refilling my medkit before checking out of the unit, making sure I had everything I needed for Ren’s next round of treatments.

As I settled in to my bunk, the smell of Kylo’s soap and shampoo on me drifted into my nostrils. It was a light, musky smell with some undertones I couldn’t place, but it took me back to the silky black sheets of his bed, the smoothness of his fair complexion and I couldn’t help sniffing briefly at my silky red strands. Finally, I tapped out the nightlight and curled up in my blanket, trying to shut out the visions of his wounds, his hair, his manhood…

I must have fallen asleep, because the tones bleeping at me from the nightstand seemed ever far away, as if from another time. But no, it was now, and it was next to my ear. I sluggishly reached for the commlink and fumbled with the switch, noting the clock glowing the early morning hour.

“Sharva here,” I murmured, my voice weak and raspy.

“Lieutenant?” an anxious, unsure voice called from the other end of the communicator.

“Yes, this is Lieutenant Sharva,” I replied.

“It’s Kylo Ren, Lieutenant.”

I sat bolt upright in bed, shocked to have him contacting me directly. I gasped, suddenly feeling insecure, as if he were physically present with me, violating my surroundings.

“Yes! Commander, what can I do for you?”

“I…” he hesitated, as if he wasn’t sure he wanted to say why he was calling, his breath panting at the other end.

“Are you unwell?” I volunteered.

“Yes,” he grasped at the suggestion.

“I’ll be right there,” I reassured him. “Let me dress, and I’ll be there shortly.”

I threw a tunic on over my nightdress, drew my hair into a hasty bun and grabbed the medkit as I departed my quarters, apprehensive of what I’d find during this visit.

He opened the door telekinetically as I approached, his precognitive responses beginning to unsettle me. I found him pacing the floor in his sleep pants and he barely acknowledged me as the door shut with a quiet hiss. I stood at the entry awaiting his acknowledgement as he strode back and forth across the glossy obsidian floor, a sheen of sweat on his face and torso and his fists clenched at his sides. Finally, I could stand it no more.

“Kylo,” I called to him gently.

His face snapped up at me as if it was the first time that he recognized I was in the room. His pace slowed, but his visage remained the same; strained, intense and distracted.

“I can’t sleep,” he stated flatly.

“Alright, well, I can help you with that,” I replied gently, setting the medkit on his nightstand and withdrawing my scanner. “Come, sit,” I invited him, indicating the edge of the bed.

He flopped on the mattress in resignation, his bottom lip curling up. His vitals showed a great deal of agitation that I couldn’t trace to any detectable cause. He had no stimulants in his system and there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with his autonomic response center, other than the fact that something, or someone, had riled him up.

As I tended Kylo, I heard the echo of Captain Dentley warning me to watch my emotions around my patient, but it was a challenge. He looked like a frightened, frustrated child and I couldn’t reconcile the angry, forceful man who indiscriminately exercised his strength against anything in his path with the young man lying in front of me who seemed to be a victim of his own spirit. I administered the sedative with a hypospray and as the drug began to take effect, he relaxed visibly, his muscles smoothing and his jaw unclenching as I wiped the perspiration from his face and chest with a towel.

“Better?” I asked solicitously.

He nodded silently, seeming abashed that I’d seen him in such a condition.

“What happened?” I inquired.

He looked away, unwilling to share his thoughts. “You’ve done your job,” he barked angrily, “now get out.”

I couldn’t accept that answer.

“Are you in pain?” I asked, more caring this time, the suggestion hitting home. While the scanner didn’t show a pain response in his body, I knew some anguish couldn’t be measured with the strongest tools.

He continued to ignore me and, heeding Dentley’s advice, I decided maybe it was time to leave. As I closed the lid, he reached out, more placidly this time.

“Wait,” he asked, placing his strong hand over my slender arm.

He looked at me hesitantly as if he worried that I was judging him. In reply, I placed my rather small hand over his own, my face softening. “I think you should rest,” I advised him, trying to show the restraint I knew the situation required.

His eyes continued to search me out as if he were struggling with how to express what was driving him, but he couldn’t find the words. His gaze enraptured me, and I could bear no more. I sat on the edge of the bed next to him, and I could see the mere gesture of coming alongside him in his moment of discomfort begin to break down his reservations. We still held each other’s hands, as if he were afraid by letting go it would break the moment.

“My father…” he began. “He’s… gone. I don’t know why I did it.”

I sat quietly, letting him speak, unsure to whom he was referring or what had happened.

“He never loved me!” he exclaimed angrily, rising to his feet, his frantic pacing beginning again, but slowing almost immediately as the sedative reminded him that he wasn’t wholly under his own control at the moment. He swayed tentatively as I rushed to his side, bracing him from underneath his armpit. His dark scent, not altogether unpleasant, washed over me, reminding me of our earlier encounter.

I didn’t know his father, so I wasn’t going to argue whether he was loved by the man or not, but I wasn’t going to allow him to work himself into a frenzy again. “What about your mother?” I asked gently. A contemptuous expression filled his countenance as he snarled, “That bitch threw me away.”

My heart caught in my chest. No matter the person, no matter how emotionally mature or physically strong, needed to feel their parents loved and accepted them, and I was beginning to see a picture forming of a young man who felt lost and bereft by the two people in the universe who should have most loved and cared for him.

“She was afraid, she was a coward!” he accused as he began shouting. “She saw my grandfather in me and she didn’t want me around her precious insurrection!” At that, Kylo picked up my scanner and hurled it at the wall, the small instrument’s power supply sparking wildly as it exploded in the dimness of his quarters. I cried out in surprise and instinctively raised my arms to cover myself from the shower of debris.

As his gaze flashed over at me, he appeared regretful for a moment but the look of fear on my face seemed to light a torch of lust in him. The beast inside took over and he yelled in anger, “Now you’re afraid, too! Well, I’ll give you something to be afraid of!”

He stalked over to where I sat cowering and ripped my tunic up over my head, then tore my nightgown down the middle, exposing my naked breasts underneath, their blue and purple welts from his earlier abuse almost hidden in the faint illumination of his room. I tried to stifle my cries, unwilling to give him what he wanted and thereby making things worse. I was learning that the more fear and anger I fed him, the stronger he became, just like Varryl. Only for Kylo, it created some macabre, mystical effect in his psyche that engendered a physical strength that was inexplicable by human standards.

“You should be afraid!” he shouted angrily as I averted my gaze, refusing to engage him. He brought his mouth down next to my ear and faintly threatened me with glee. “I’m going to take what’s mine, and then I’m going to kill you the way I killed him!”

Part of me was in denial that he meant what he was saying as I tried to siphon Kylo Ren’s words through a filter of calmness. But then I remembered Captain Dentley’s dire warnings, the vicious gossip I’d overhead throughout the ranks about Ren’s affinity for violence, and the factual occurrences with which I’d been involved such as the crushed windpipes, broken bones and other horrid injuries I’d had to treat and which were supposedly inflicted by this malicious man. Unable to control my fear, the blood streamed icily through my veins and a cry of terror escaped my lips.

His hand clamped cruelly over my mouth as he fell over me onto the mattress, his hard fingers smashing my lips against my teeth and his knuckles pressing painfully against my nose. I could taste copper in my mouth as blood trickled from my broken lip and his other hand fumbled to tear away the last vestiges of my nightdress along with my dignity. Against my own will, my womanhood moistened in anticipation of his touch. I groaned inwardly, both angry and ashamed at how my body and mind betrayed me, and sensing the conflict, Kylo laughed gutturally, lapping up my emotional turmoil like so much nectar for his soul.

“I know, deep inside, how much you crave my cruelty,” Kylo taunted me, his manhood pressing rigidly against the fabric of his pants as his free hand sought out my nether regions. He found what he was seeking and his large, warm digits pressed home without mercy as he shoved one, two, three, then four fingers inside of me, spreading them wide and making me feel he was tearing me apart from within. I wailed in pain and fear, no longer able to contain my emotions in my sleep-deprived state. While as a physician, I could deal well with the pain of others, my own threshold was incredibly low, and it took very little to bring me to tears as my captor was proving.

He continued molesting and mauling me for what felt like hours. My suffering appeared to be making him stronger as every whine, gasp and whimper brought fresh waves of satisfaction to his demeanor. It was as if my ordeal was empowering him, fueling his soul with an abhorrent energy and when he seemed sufficiently stimulated, he slaked his pent-up lust by penetrating me without pity. Over and over he violated my body, battering me with his penis as if it were a weapon and I was the enemy, as all the while I cried pathetically, unable to fight him off.

Looking down at me intensely as he possessed my body, his thumb reached out and brushed tears from my face, not to help me, but as if to start a clean slate so he could watch fresh ones appear on my cheeks. Finally, as his excitement neared climax, he commanded me as before: “Come for me.”

I didn’t think I had the capacity, but I could feel him using his uncanny abilities to extract from me what I wasn’t willing to give him voluntarily. The tension began deep in my belly, the warmth spreading through my loins as my chasm became engorged and started to throb. The sensation was overwhelming and the hunger soon overpowered me as I gave in to the yearning driven from deep within. I was now imploring him, again, to bring me release.

“Please,” I pleaded pitifully.

“Tell me what you want. Beg me for it.”

“Please, help me,” I sobbed, “make it stop!”

As he continued to thrust his pelvis between my thighs, he taunted me.

“You really want it to stop?” he asked smoothly.

“Yes!” I gasped.

“Fine, I’ll stop,” he stated. And with that, he withdrew his cock from my cunt but continued stroking himself. The sudden absence of his member from inside me was a new torture, but he pleasured himself until his climax was reached and he coated my belly with his creamy emissions. I lay panting, still in the throes of need, only now I had no outlet. I thought it would end, the feeling would subside and I would have relief, but instead I found myself desperate, clawing at his arms, beseeching him to take me once again.

“I have nothing left for you, little one,” he snickered, lying next to me on his side and sighing contentedly. I whined pathetically trying to pleasure myself, but each time I reached between my legs, he pulled my hands away. Finally, being merciful, he placed his mouth over mine, his tongue hotly exploring the inside while his fingers played with my vulva, gently at first and then more energetically. I completely gave into his callous caresses, grinding myself against his fingers until eventually the dam gave way and I climaxed in the palm of his hand. I cried out with such fervor that I frightened myself, and even Kylo seemed surprised at what he was able to rip from me. I thought I was dying and that it would go on forever, the orgasm wracking me with intense pulsations that shook me to my core.

I lay gasping for what seemed like an eternity and as I regained my composure, I began to loathe myself as much as I did him. How could I enjoy such sadistic treatment, and to derive pleasure from it? I must certainly be going mad, I told myself. Kylo merely lay back, relaxed from both the sedative and the sex, and in minutes I could hear him softly snoring by my side…


	6. Resolve

My sleepy gaze roamed tiredly down the list of cases on my datapad that represented the day’s rounds: Patient FO-3188 - Third-Degree Burns: Debridement #2; Patient JB-2789 - Ocular Fracture: Enucleation/Implant; Patient FN-4186 - Compound Fracture - Tibia: Follow-Up; Follow-up; Follow-up…

I took a deep swig of caf as I stood up and the ache in my loins reminded me of the rude awakening that I’d received today at the hands of Kylo Ren. I’d dealt with overzealous supervisors and conniving colleagues throughout my career with the First Order, but was this what my life would be like from now on? An unending stream of abuse and mistreatment from an insane superior? I dreaded returning to his quarters later in the day, but I knew I would have to check in on him later to do the grafts he needed. I scheduled the debridement for the morning, Kylo before noon, and the ocular fracture and follow-ups for the afternoon.

As I worked on FO-3188, I wished he was the only one I was going to have to perform surgery on for the day and that I could return to my bunk, curl up in my blankets and sleep peacefully, undisturbed and unmolested. The patient flinched as I lasered away a particularly nasty bit of tissue.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, “almost done.” He merely nodded, seemingly grateful for the care he was receiving, unlike the miserable blackguard who used me like a medical concubine every chance he got. My patient’s wounds tended, I turned him back over to active duty with discharge instructions and once again loaded my medkit for my private client. A forgotten task suddenly resurfaced, and I headed to Dentley’s office.

“Captain?” I called at his day room door.

“Sharva, come in,” he replied. “What’s on your agenda for today?”

Referring to my data pad, I rattled off my day’s cases. “Actually,” I said sheepishly, “I need something for myself.”

“Oh?” he asked curiously.

“I need you to sign off on some, um…” I tried to broach the topic delicately but was having trouble finding the right words.

“Out with it, Sharva, I haven’t got all day,” he sighed.

“Prophylactics, Captain,” I answered testily. “I need to put a reproductive protocol in place.”

He dropped his datapad to his desk, stunned. “You _what?_ ” he asked in disbelief.

I set my medkit down on the floor and sat in the chair facing his desk. “He’s been… taking… _liberties,_ Sir,” I replied quietly. “I haven’t been doing anything for myself since Varryl died,” I explained, “I haven’t needed to.”

Captain Dentley rubbed his chin characteristically, examining me as if he was wondering which was worse – potentially divulging the nature of my relationship with Kylo Ren should anyone discover I was sexually active, or my being with child should I fail to protect myself. He seemed pained that I was in the position in which I now found myself.

“Sharva, we can’t do this without the chance you’ll be discovered by High Command, you know that,” he warned me.

“I do, Captain, but what else can I do?” I asked desperately.

“ _I_ have an idea,” he snarled angrily as he drew up a new screen on his datapad.

“Wait, Captain,” I exclaimed, alighting upon a new solution, “sterilization.”

Captain Dentley’s jaw dropped as he shook his head, “Sharva, no!” he exclaimed.

“Why not, Captain?” I argued. “The Empire had done it for years, not just for enlisted, but officers as well!”

“NO, Sharva, you’ve been through enough!” Dentley hissed.

“I have no choice, Sir,” I continued my supplication. “I can’t afford the alternative, I just can’t. Varryl is gone, I’ll never have children now, anyway. I’m too old to start.”

“Thirty-seven is not too old, I should know,” he responded, recalling his three sons, the result of mid-life conceptions, now serving in the Transport Corps.

“For a woman it is,” I replied stoically. “Captain, please,” I pleaded with him. “You know, logically, it’s the solution that makes the most sense. I’m not afraid.”

He looked at me sadly. “Niela, you’ve been like a daughter to me.”

“I know, Sir,” I said, rising and coming around his desk to lay my hand on his arm. “And you’ve been like a father to me. That’s why I’m asking you to help me now.” I could see him choking up, trying to keep his stiff reserve from cracking.

“Let’s sleep on it, shall we? No sense rushing this,” he replied. “If you feel the same way tomorrow, then we’ll go through with it.”

I knew he was trying his best to do right by me, so although I disagreed with the urgency, I demurred for the time being. “Alright, Captain,” I agreed, “we’ll discuss it tomorrow and see if this is still the right decision. In the meantime, I’ll head over to Ren’s quarters and see about getting him cleaned up a bit more.”

I left Dentley silently stewing at his desk and strode slowly down to Kylo’s room, not in any hurry to face him once again. When I reached the door, I signaled several times before he answered. From the doorway, I could see as he rose from the bed that he was clad in absolutely nothing. I nearly rolled my eyes, so annoyed I was to find him in this state, but my recent decision in Dentley’s office had given me a sense of resolve I hadn’t felt in Ren’s presence before, and I made up my mind I was done being a victim.

“How are you feeling today?” I asked nonchalantly as I set up the debridement tools.

“Lousy,” he complained softly and lay back in the bed.

“I can’t imagine why,” I remarked sarcastically.

He seemed annoyed by my comment but didn’t respond in kind, merely tucking his hands behind his head, the flexing movement accentuating his thick biceps. “I’m going to do some more cleanup on the dead skin around your wounds and give you some prosthetic grafts,” I advised him, “and I’m not going to lie to you – it’s going to hurt very badly.”

His expression didn’t change except to close his eyes. I observed he had dark circles under his eyes, especially the right where the laceration was still healing. I injected him with local anesthetic as I worked each section, but it was still difficult for him, and at one point, I saw him biting down on his lip.

“Do you need me to stop?” I asked gently.

He shook his head and inhaled deeply, steeling himself against the next round of pain. As I layered the grafts into his facial scar, I could see him descending into a meditative state. Hopefully, the gray, metallic synthskin would provide the structure necessary to bridge the ugly gash that marred his handsome face.

“It won’t be much longer, just your abdomen where the puncture is,” I advised him. He was sweating and pale, and I was worried I was doing too much to him all at once. I checked the clock and realized we were going on two hours – way longer than I could have achieved with any other patient. “Let’s take a break, alright? I want to give your body a rest for a minute.”

He seemed relieved and let out a deep sigh, inspecting the work I’d done. He seemed pleased with my technique, though realizing the wounds would never fully heal.

“Just think,” I said smiling, “you’ll always have great stories to tell the girls.”

He snorted as he sat up, looking himself over sadly as if he were counting the cost.

“You’re awfully quiet today,” I observed. He merely nodded as he looked down at his feet. I was beginning to learn my patient and I could see his mind was preoccupied. “Have you eaten yet?”

Again, silent head shakes as he continued to maintain his morose countenance.

“Let me order us something,” I suggested. “What do you like to eat?” He seemed surprised that someone would ask his opinion, as if he hadn’t had a choice to decide his own tastes to this point. “Why don’t I order us a few things and you can pick and choose what looks good to you?” I suggested.

He shrugged and lay back down as I placed a meal order from the main commissary through the datapad. As we waited, I had him lift his left arm out of the way so I could inspect his abdominal wound where he’d been shot with a blaster.

“This is such an unusual injury,” I remarked as I observed the pocket of scar tissue. It appeared the laser blast had started to enter the muscle wall but suddenly stopped and dissipated. I was hoping more tissue would build in the cavity before I had to stitch it closed, but his body was so busy dealing with everything else, it seemed to be rationing its healing abilities across multiple areas at once.

“I’m going to just have to backfill this one for now,” I advised him. After numbing the area well, I gave him an epidermal flush to stimulate cell growth and then took a hypospray of synthflesh and layered it in the cavity. Despite the numbing agent, I could feel him recoil under the burning sensation it created. His eyes were shut tightly and I noticed his left hand had strayed to my shoulder as I leaned over him. He began gripping me tightly and I was loathe to pull away, instead letting him grasp at me in an effort to quell his agony. “Just a minute or two more,” I informed him, “it’s nearly over.”

He gulped, his eyes shut tightly against the ache, sweat rolling down the side of his face as he remained mute. Finally, I was able to put a bandage in place, ending his torment. “You’re done,” I told him as he exhaled a ragged sigh. “I’m sorry it was so difficult,” I offered regretfully, “I was hoping it would have started healing itself, but I had to step in before infection did.”

He nodded, seemingly resigned to his circumstances. The door tone sounded in the silence, startling us both but I left Kylo to dress himself as I met the commissary worker who brought in a tray for us to share. Alone once again, I dished up a small bowl of fruit, some baked meat and some bread and set it on his desk.

“Would you like to come sit and eat?” I asked as he wrapped a robe loosely around himself, careful to favor his tender areas. He sat placidly, picking at everything at first but then tucking heartily into the portions I’d set out for him, a good color returning to his complexion as I began cleaning up.

“You look like you’re feeling better,” I remarked, and he mumbled his agreement through stuffed cheeks. He looked like a teenager ransacking the pantry and I gave him a half-smile as I watched him devour the rest of the tray. He suddenly stopped, realizing I hadn’t eaten anything yet.

“Are you hungry?” he asked as he tried to spoon some fruit back into the serving dishes.

“You’re fine, I’ll eat back at the medbay” I smiled, “It’s good to see you have an appetite again. Go ahead and finish up, we’ll make sure you get a good dinner as well.”

“Are you coming back tonight?” he asked with a worried look on his face.

“Yes,” I reassured him, “I’ll come check on the grafts to make sure they take.”

He paused for a moment, searching for what he wanted to say, and then found his voice. “I’m sorry, Niela,” he offered tentatively.

“For what?” I asked, wondering which of his many indiscretions he felt any remorse over.

“This morning… I shouldn’t have… you know…”

“No,” I stated flatly, turning my back on the medkit after I’d snapped the lid shut and crossing my arms in front of me. “You should not have. But you did.” I stared him down, though my fear nearly betrayed me. “I’m done being your fuck toy, Kylo” I continued with more conviction than I felt, my voice rising but wavering. “If you need affection, if you want a companion, I’ll do that for you, but you’re not going to hurt me anymore. You’re not going to take from me by force what I’m willing to give you.”

He looked shocked, and a scowl started forming across his face as he stared down at his plates and dropped the fork with a clatter. I couldn’t help myself as I walked over and stooped down next to him. How he did this to me, I’ll never know. He elicited fear, compassion and lust in me without even seeming to try. I spoke softly as I neared him.

“Kylo,” I almost whispered, “I don’t understand what I’ve done to make you treat me this way” I pleaded.

His eyes widened at me and he seemed confused that someone cared what he thought or felt. “I’m not trying to hurt you,” he confessed, “I’m really not.”

I had a hard time believing it and he could sense it.

“It’s always been like this, even before I left home,” he said defensively, “it’s why they sent me away. My emotions, they just take over and the next thing I know, I’m destroying everything around me, sometimes without even touching anything.” He started to become agitated and I was scared we’d have another episode.

I lifted the dirty dishes onto the tray and sat facing him on the corner of the desk. He leaned back in the chair, his arms falling to his sides as the robe peeked open, revealing a dusky nipple sitting atop the well-sculpted pectoral muscle marred by his near-mortal wound.

He took a deep breath and shook his head. “I didn’t want to leave, to go with my Uncle. He never liked me, never trusted me. None of them did. They were afraid of me, like I was some kind of monster.”

“They used to talk about me as if I wasn’t there, didn’t know they were talking about me behind closed doors, how afraid they were, how much I was ruining everything.” He looked up at me with a face full of resentment and disappointment. “They sent me away, and then they got on with their lives like it never mattered, and then I was alone.”

“I’m sorry, Kylo,” I said, trying to comfort him. “I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for you.”

He rose and began to pace the room, his robe falling open, and I couldn’t help but notice his manhood, so pronounced between his legs, though I searched for other things to which I could direct my gaze.

“But Han Solo is gone now,” he said, balling his fists. “I killed him, I didn’t think I would be able to, but in the end, I kept my commitment to the Dark Side!” he shouted, “I did what needed to be done,” his voice started to trail off as he seemed to be recalling the event in his mind’s eye. “Supreme Leader said it would give me the strength I needed to move on, but he doesn’t know what it cost me…”

Kylo’s frank admission sent chills down my spine and I fell away from the desk, knocking the tray over, the dishes crashing to the floor. I realized now, the person he’d admitted to killing was his own father.

Now I knew why the agitation – his frontal lobe was overstimulated with bloodlust from the murder and his guilt center was in overdrive trying to justify his actions. I needed to escape, and quickly. My eyes darted to the door, but before I could head for it, I saw his hand move from the corner of my eye as I heard a distinct click. I knew, somehow, he’d locked it. I noticed my breath was starting to come in short gasps and that fear was taking over my logic.

“Let me out,” I heard myself demand of him, unsure of where I was drawing my courage.

“No,” he said flatly as he strode towards me, “you’re not going to abandon me like everyone else.”

I backed around the desk, trying to keep it between us, but Kylo lifted a hand and the black lacquer furniture went flying across the room, shattering against the wall, its contents spilling across the floor. I swallowed hard to choke down a scream and searched around for another exit but finding no other way out – I was trapped.

“Kylo, please,” I begged as he stalked toward me until I remembered, I was done with being bullied by this son of a bitch. As he closed the distance, I did the unthinkable: I reached out and slapped him across the face. He seemed stunned, and he must not have been expecting me to assault him, because he didn’t even flinch in defense – or he did expect it and didn’t care. He merely stood there staring at me for a moment, looking like he was trying to decide what to do with me.

Suddenly, I was saved as the door signal toned in the heavy silence. We both looked toward the portal and then back at each other. As it rang a second time, Kylo tied his robe shut and turned to face the visitor as he waved the door open with a flick of his fingers. I took the opportunity to gather my medkit from the bedside table, and as I turned to leave, there stood General Hux.

“My isn’t this a cozy little scene,” he smirked, taking note of the rumpled sheets and desk lying in shards in the corner. I couldn’t tell if he just held some suspicions or if he knew something of what been passing between the commander and I for the last few days.

“Keep your comments to yourself, Hux,” Ren threatened low in his throat. “What do you want?”

“If you’ll excuse me, General,” I said stiffly, trying to make my exit before things got heated. Their arguments were infamous aboard ship, and the stuff of gossip. I didn’t want to be around when they started in on each other.

“No, actually, I won’t, Lieutenant. Your _expertise,_ ” he sneered, “is needed.”

Gathering my medkit to my chest, I asked, “What is it I can help you with?”

“Our patient,” he waved Kylo up and down with a gloved hand, “has been out of commission. When do you think he’ll be ready to return to active duty?”

“I’d say at least another day or two,” I responded. “There are skin grafts that need time to bond, and his energy levels need to be brought up to performance level.”

“Oh?” Hux teased, leering at us both, “Has he not been ‘performing’ up to your expectations?”

I blushed hotly, gripping my medkit in shame, but our patient was having none of it. Ren reached out with his bare hand, grasped Hux around the throat and shoved him up against the door, the General’s feet dangling several inches off the Mustafarian tile.

“You will apologize to the Lieutenant,” Kylo threatened through gritted teeth, “or I will enjoy watching your carcass being jettisoned out a garbage chute with the rest of the trash and tell Supreme Leader you had an accident!”

I could see that Hux regretted his taunting. “My apologies, Lieutenant,” he managed to choke out through the iron grip on his neck, “I meant no offense!”

“None taken,” I lied for expediency. “Commander, please let him down!” I begged, not wanting to witness a murder first-hand.

Kylo open his grasp and let Hux drop to the floor like a marionette whose string had been suddenly severed. As a physician, my job was to heal, but I wasn’t going to rush to the General’s side to give him care – I felt like Hux had gotten what he’d deserved, but also, I was unwilling to pick a fight with Kylo by making it seem I sympathized with Hux. I decided to split the difference. “Do you require attention, General?” I asked with a touch of condescension in my voice.

The General ignore me as he picked himself off the floor, smoothing over his uniform.

“Since you’re feeling so much _better_ ,” he spat at Kylo, “you won’t have any trouble attending Supreme Leader on _The Supremacy_. He has some things he’d like to discuss with you.” Without another word, he pivoted perfectly in place and exited the compartment, his heels clicking with precision as he stomped away from Ren’s quarters.

“I think it’s time I was leaving, as well,” I said into the silence hanging in the room. “I have other patients scheduled for my afternoon shift.” As I stepped toward the door, I turned and threw over my shoulder, “Thank you for that.”

He looked at me, puzzled. “For what?”

“For defending me,” I gave him a slight smile. “I didn’t know what I was going to say to him.”

“You’d have figured out something,” he assured me. “I’ll see you later tonight.”

“Yes, Sir,” I confirmed, leaving Kylo heading into his refresher, my last glimpse of him being that of his robe slipping silently to the floor, his beautiful nude form retreating across the room...


	7. Futility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end - I felt it was time to wrap it up, and this seemed the place to do it.  
> It's a bit dark, so forgive me if you leave here saddened, but thank you for coming along for the journey.

Claxons were blaring again, this time bringing in the wounded from our latest encounter with the Resistance scum who tried to hide on D’Qar. All hands had been lost on the massive Seige Dreadnought, though a few escape shuttles had managed to break free before the gargantuan ship was destroyed. Our medbay was, again, at maximum capacity and teeming with wounded.

Dentley, Meech and I, along with a handful of other staff and meddroids patched, sutured, salved and wrapped every wound, fracture and amputation we could for the better part of the afternoon and evening. I realized I’d neglected the patient with the ocular fracture and missed the check-up on Kylo’s grafts, but with everyone triaged and stable, I moved back to my assignment list.

I found Patient JB-2789 in his own quarters, where he’d been moved to make room for the wounded. After bringing him back to the medbay where we utilized the surgical suite, I escorted him back to his quarters before heading back to Kylo Ren’s.

It was very late, and I realized when I arrived that I’d forgotten to have Dentley lock out my medical override. I wavered over whether to just let myself in so I could check on him while he slept, possibly incurring his wrath should he awaken and find I’d let myself in without permission, or to ring the door and waken him and risk dealing with his anger over that. I tried for the easy route, swiping my pass key over the pad and stepping inside the blackness of his room. I could hear him breathing evenly as I crept to his bedside. He was still naked, so I had little trouble checking the grafts on his face and shoulder. His side, however, was a bit trickier, and as I carefully lifted the sheet, a hand shot out and twisted my arm behind my back, another wrapped in my hair as I was shoved face down toward the floor, my forehead heading straight for the basalt tile at full speed…

My face stopped a fraction of space from the floor, so close I could see my breath, now coming rapidly, as it fogged up the shiny surface of the cold tile. Kylo’s hand remained gripped in my coif, his fingers entangled in my auburn strands.

“P-please,” I begged, “let go, I just came to check on your grafts!” I could hear behind me that Kylo was breathing almost as hard as I was. I must have startled him in his sleep, and he took me for an intruder.

“Damned right, I did,” he replied, having heard my thought. “You’re lucky you’re alive,” he admonished me as he helped me upright. I stood facing him, shaking with fear.

“Are you alright?” he asked, a true touch of concern in his voice.

“Y-yes,” I replied shakily, “just startled.”

“ _You’re_ startled?!” he asked incredulously, “I’m lying here asleep and you break into my quartersꟷ“

“I did not ‘break in’,” I argued, “I have the medical passkey.”

He looked furious. “I thought you were going to disable it.”

“I forgot,” I replied quietly, “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to wake you; I know you need your rest right now.”

While he seemed surprised that I cared about his feelings, he also kept a defensive stance as we both came to realize we were standing there arguing while he was completely nude. I needed to go, and this was my cue.

“I’ll come back in the morning to check on you again,” I said distractedly as I packed my scanner into my side bag. “Ring me if you need anything.”

“I won’t be here in the morning,” he replied, drawing a robe around him.

“What?” I asked.

“I need to see Supreme Leader; I won’t be here.” He looked down, absent-mindedly fiddling with the ties of his dressing gown, the soft silky material shimmering in the half-light of his quarters.

“You’re not ready to go anywhere,” I replied worriedly.

“That’s not up to you,” he responded with a touch of firmness in his voice.

“I can have you set down for medical incapacity,” I said, trying to sound authoritative, to which he merely smirked.

“You’re cute when you try to act tough,” he teased as he crossed over to me. I steeled myself for a cruel response, but what came next surprised me. He took my face in both of his hands.

“Nobody has worried about me the way you have, not for a very long time,” he almost whispered. “Don’t think it’s gone unnoticed.” And with that, he leaned down and gently kissed my forehead. I reached out and touched his chest with my free hand, drinking in his lovely skin, his warmth…

Alarms sounded again, and in Ren’s suite, a holographic image appeared on a pedestal in the corner of his room. It was General Hux.

“Commander Ren! We’ve tracked down the Resistance fleet and are closing in on them. I thought you’d like to take your squadron into our final battle with these rabble!”

Pushing me aside, Kylo approached the holoimage. “Ready my TIE Whisper, I’ll meet them in the launch bay!”

As Hux’s image faded away, I grabbed at Kylo’s good arm.

“You can’t!” I exclaimed, “you’re not well enough!”

As he looked down at me in exasperation, he paused, seeing the tears forming in the corners of my eyes. I don’t know what was coming over me, my emotions breaking through my façade.

“Niela, I’ll be fine,” he promised. “And I’ll come back, I always come back.”

He read thoughts I hadn’t even voiced to myself – I didn’t want him to leave, I didn’t want to be without him.

He dressed hurriedly, wincing as he drew his gambeson over his shoulder, and as he turned to leave, he looked back one last time, winking at me.

“Now get out of my quarters!” he shouted, and I followed him into the hallway where he took off at a gallop, favoring his side. I prayed he wouldn’t tear any of his wounds open again, but if he at least came back alive, that would be enough.

I reported to the medbay where we worked on clearing out the patients needing the space the least so we could make room for the next wave of injured who would no doubt be speeding through the doors any moment. And speed they did; troopers, mechanics, even a few officers. In the end, I was awake for eighteen hours straight, and when I finally was able to close out my cases, I returned to my bunk and collapsed.

As I lay in my quarters, my roommate giving me her account of the battle from the mech shops, my mind drifted to Kylo and where he was, what he was doing. Did he return alright? Was he injured again, or worse, floating around as so much flotsam in space? My mind reeled. I knew I’d lost all professional detachment from my patient; it was too late…

“Niela, are you even listening to me?” Alarna asked, annoyed.

“No,” I replied honestly, “not really. I have a lot on my mind right now.”

“Oh, what,” she smirked, “you mean like _Kylo Ren?_ ”

“No, not like Kylo Ren, you idiot,” I tried dissembling.

“You might as well fess up,” she laughed, “everybody knows you two are fucking.”

“WHAT??” I gasped. “That is not true! Why would anybody say that?”

“Because they know better!” she responded.

“And how would they know?” I demanded hotly.

“Because I told them!” she replied smugly, a malicious grin spreading across her face.

“A-and how, how would you know, Alarna?” I stammered.

“Oh, the way you look, and the way you smell when you come back from his quarters, and the things you mumble in your sleep, and all the cum stains on your clothesꟷ”

I flew across the small dormitory room and grasped her around the throat, angry enough to choke the life out of her sneaky, vicious little head.

“You know nothing,” I hissed in her face, “and if you repeat one more word of anything about me to anyone, I will kill you with my bare hands, do you understand me?!” I let her go and she gasped and choked the way Hux had yesterday when Ren had him up against the wall. Good gods, he was rubbing off on me.

“Crazy bitch!” she hurled at me between coughing fits.

I decided to roll with it. “Yes, I am crazy, crazy enough to kick your ass, you useless little twit. Now shut up for once and leave me alone.”

I rolled over to turn my back on her while inside my feelings seethed. _Now_ what would I do? Kylo would not be in trouble for this, but I would. And Alarna had put me in an untenable position. That solidified my decision – I would have the sterilization done tomorrow, as soon as we could clear the medbay enough to make time and room.

I could hear her softly whimpering to herself, but I had very little compassion for her. She had purposely spread stories about me she couldn’t verify and put me in danger, all for her own amusement. Such pettiness never ceased to amaze me, especially among women. I only hoped I’d be able to get things under control before something more serious came of it.

The next morning, Alarna was already gone when I arose, much to my relief. My head ached and I felt lousy, much of which I ascribed to the extra-long shifts I’d worked during our recent battle. Then I remembered – Kylo; where was he? I picked up my combadge and dialed it to the signal key he’d used when he called me what felt like weeks ago. The comm toned several times with no reply as ice began to crawl through my gut. He was dead, I knew it…

“Yes,” a deep voice barked out.

“Kylo?!” I asked worriedly.

“Who is this?”

“It’s Lieutenant Sharva,” I replied.

“Who?” he asked sleepily.

“N-Niela…”

“Oh!” he responded, followed by silence.

“I just wanted to see how your sutures and grafts held up,” I said, trying to sound detached but failing miserably.

“I’m fine, Niela,” he said quietly. He sounded like he was more than tired, as if something deep inside of him was disturbed.

“I’d like to come by later to check on you,” I volunteered.

“It will have to wait,” he stated flatly. “I’m wanted on _The Supremacy_.”

I knew what that meant without him telling me – it was Supreme Leader Snoke’s ship. He had yet to have his meeting with his superior, and I couldn’t bring myself to come between him and his mission.

“I’ll be here when you return,” I offered simply.

“I appreciate that,” he replied. “Out,” he said, closing the transmission.

I sat quietly holding the combadge in my hand as tears fell from my eyes. What in Hellios was wrong with me? My emotions normally never got the best of me like this, but I knew I was getting in over my head. I was developing feelings for this beast of a man who could kill me with a look, and likely would if I did or said the wrong thing. I tried to shake it off, determined to get on with my day.

After showering and reporting to medbay, I managed to close out the bulk of my cases, and decided to approach Captain Dentley. As I leaned against his door frame, I told him simply, “It’s time, Captain.”

He didn’t need prompting. I think he could tell from the look in my eyes exactly what I meant.

“Alright Sharva, if this is what you really want,” he said, sounding resigned.

“It is,” I replied, resolute in my decision.

“Well, let’s get you set up.”

Dentley took me into a back operating room and we set the facility up for the procedure. As he began the guided imaging to zero in on my reproductive system, Dentley’s face went hard.

“What is it, Captain? There shouldn’t be anything wrong, I have a clean bill of health, all my exams are up to date.”

He shook his head slowly. “Not this one.”

I looked over my shoulder at the scanner to see what he was talking about.

There, frozen on the screen, were two tiny indicators – little glowing dots that showed something I thought I’d never see in my lifetime. Taking the scanner from his hand, I ran it over my belly myself. And once again, they showed up on the screen – in my uterus were not one but two tiny embryos, just beginning to flicker to life. Babies.

At first, joy filled me – I was going to be a mother. And then dread – these were the children of the second most powerful man in the First Order, and I was not his wife – I was not even his companion. I was merely someone he had used for pleasure, I meant nothing to him.

We both sat deathly still for several moments, contemplating the news.

“We have to get this taken care of,” he uttered quietly.

“What do you mean?” I asked, knowing exactly what he meant but not believing my ears.

“Niela, you can’t possibly be consideringꟷ”

“Davin, they’re my _children!_ ” I exclaimed.

“They’re _his_ children, dammit! Do you think he’ll let you keep them?” he yelled desperately. “That he won’t kill them, or take them and give them to Snoke?!”

I considered the Captain’s accusations. _Would_ Kylo take them from me, separate me from them, give them to the First Order or worse?

“I’ll leave,” I responded, getting dressed again, “I’ll go back to Varshana,” referring to my home planet.

“And you think he won’t track you down? Look at the way he’s tracking down the Skywalker character! And he’s a Jedi! You think you can hide like a Jedi?!”

“I don’t need to hide like a Jedi!” I exclaimed, “I’m a nobody, no one will notice me.”

“You’re a fool, Niela!” he accused me. “The sooner you rid yourself of this burden, the sooner you’ll save yourself.”

I looked at him aghast. “Captain, I know we’re medics and we make life and death decisions every day, but these are my children we’re talking about, they’re not a burden. They’re innocent, and they deserve a chance to live.”

I turned and fairly ran back to my quarters where I laid down on my bunk to think. I would have to work out the navigation to map out a route back to Varshana, and then figure the amount of credits needed for transport. I had some savings in my officer’s account, and then maybe…

My combadge sounded, making me jump. I figured it would be either Dentley or Kylo, and I didn’t want to talk to either of them right now, but I knew I had to answer it.

“Sharva here,” I responded.

“Niela, it’s Kylo.” I nearly wept to hear his voice and couldn’t respond at first. “Are you there?” he asked in the silence.

“Yes,” I choked out, trying not to betray my feelings. “What can I do for you?”

“I need you to come by and look at these sutures, they’re driving me crazy,” he said, sounding irritated. They were probably starting to heal and would be making him itch.

“I’ll be there momentarily,” I promised, closing down the mic. I went to my refresher and splashed water on my face so he wouldn’t notice I’d been crying, and pulled myself up tight in the mirror, putting on my best face.

I arrived at his quarters to find him fully dressed in his pants, shirt and gambeson. He was removing his belt, a large metal cylinder hanging from the back of it.

“What is that,” I asked pointing to his belt.

“This?” he asked as he depressed a button the side of the black cylinder, and rays of red laser light arced from it, creating sizzling blades – a fabled lightsaber I’d heard of since childhood. With the sword in his hand and standing there in his full raiment he looked like a violent, indefatigable warrior, and it frightened me. I backed up several paces and he followed, seemingly enjoying the intimidation he was creating. Eventually, I backed into the wall, and as Kylo neared I could hear the lasers sputter and crackle as if they were going to explode. The sword was as chaotic and angry as he, and I knew the weapon had to have been made specifically for him.

“You’re hiding something from me,” he said as he leaned the blade close to my face. All I could think of was the blade, how it could burn me, how something like that had burned him, and then I remembered I had to cover my thoughts somehow, to keep him from learning the truth. I thought about scanner schematics, anatomical diagrams, anything to keep him from seeing.

“You’re confused, you don’t want me to know,” he replied, snapping the saber closed. “Fine.”

I sighed a breath of relief.

“How was your visit to Supreme Leader?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

“Not good,” he said solemnly. As he sat on the bed, I noticed his helmet was not in its usual place. I set the medkit on his nightstand and opened it, but as I did, I looked down at his hands. His knuckles were bruised and covered in abrasions.

“Kylo, your hands!” I cried.

He let me hold them in my own to examine them. It appeared something had smashed them, or they had smashed something.

“What happened?” I asked.

“It’s none of your business, just do your job,” he snapped.

Chagrined, I pulled out a magnifier and examined his hands closely, finding small bits of glass embedded in the skin. Slowly, painstakingly, I tweezed shard after shard from his knuckles, coating the cuts with bacta and applying the dermal regenerator.

“I hope that’s better,” I asked.

“Yes, but I want to take a look at these grafts,” he replied, stripping off his outer garments. His undergarments were thin briefs, barely covering his groin, and black to match. As he lay back on the bed, I checked his wounds and found them healing much better than I’d expected.

“Your injuries are healing nicely,” I observed. “We can go ahead and set you up for the final nano-suturing, but we’ll be using the meddroids, it’s too small for us to do by hand.”

He rose to get dressed and looked at me forlornly. “That means you won’t need to see me anymore, won’t it?”

“Not unless you want me to,” I replied.

He nodded quietly to himself, putting his clothing back on.

“I’ll set up that part of the medbay for you,” I advised him. “You can come down whenever you like today, I’ll have it reserved for you so you can have your privacy.”

“Thank you for everything, Niela,” he said gently, taking me in his arms.

It took everything I had not to crumble right there. In trying to obfuscate my feelings, I recalled horrid injuries and brutal surgeries I’d had to perform, anything to distract me from his presence.

“You’re welcome,” I responded. “I hope you feel better very soon.” I gathered my medkit one last time and left his quarters. I sprinted to my barracks and was grateful to find my room empty, no Alarna in sight. I took advantage of the privacy to lock myself in the bathroom, taking a long, hot shower and crying like a baby. I was pregnant with Kylo Ren’s twins, and I would never know the joy of raising a family with their father. I felt there was something good underneath of him, but I wasn’t willing to tolerate the constant ambivalence to find out whether it was possible. All I could focus on now was getting me and the children out of the First Order.

For the next few days, all was quiet on _The Finalizer_. Dentley and I spoke nary a word to each other beyond what was necessary to conduct business, and Alarna was strangely quiet. I hadn’t heard another word from Kylo, so I knew our strange arrangement had come to an end. But things would not stay quiet long.

One morning, while I was in the medbay doing follow up checks on my patients, General Hux arrived with an escort, reminding me of the day he’d arrived with an injured Kylo Ren in tow. I turned to face him, expecting to see someone wounded on a gurney beside him, but he looked straight at me, a look of deep satisfaction on his face.

“General Hux, Sir,” I saluted him.

“Good morning, Sharva,” he replied. “Would you come with me, please?”

Something in his voice made my skin shiver. “What seems to be the problem, General?” Captain Dentley had seen Hux’s arrival and now came out to see what was going on.

“You are the problem, Sharva,” he sneered, “and Supreme Leader would like to solve it.” I stood stock-still, the reality of what had happened taking hold of me: Alarna had betrayed me to High Command. I nearly fainted right there – I was already beginning to feel the effects of the pregnancy, and Hux’s announcement had chilled me to the bone.

“Gods, Niela! What have you done?!” Captain Dentley exclaimed.

Turning to the Captain, I replied gravely, “What you warned me not to, Captain… I’ve signed my own death sentence.” I turned back to Hux, resigned to my fate. “Lead on, General.”

I knew as he and his retinue escorted me to the shuttle which would take us to The Supremacy, there was no escaping the web I had found myself caught in. I had been beset at every turn by circumstances I couldn’t control, first Kylo, then Alarna, and now I found myself at the hands of Hux and Supreme Leader Snoke. I could only pray they would take mercy on me.

Entering the cavernous crimson chamber, Hux delivered me to Supreme Leader Snoke where I knelt in deference.

“Supreme Leader,” I addressed him.

“Do you know why you are here, girl?” he hissed.

“Because of my relationship with Kylo Ren,” I replied, only admitting half of what I knew.

“Relationship?” he sneered, “Oh, that is nothing, you are but a plaything to Ren,” he scoffed.

“It wasn’t my desire to become involved with him, Sir,” I offered.

“No harm done, young lady, these things happen,” he folded his hands neatly across his golden robes. “However, the harm comes with the consequences.”

“I– I don’t know what you mean–“ I tried to bluff.

“Don’t play the fool with me, girl!” he roared, his voice echoing in the enormous room, “I know what has happened to you, I can see it all in your mind and your heart… and your womb. Your pathetic heart that beats for him and your womb in which his seed has taken hold!”

I blushed, ashamed and frightened, feeling cornered.

“Please, Supreme Leader!” I begged.

“No, there is no room for you in this story,” he replied slyly, “for you see, there is someone else, someone more fitting for my young apprentice than you. I have been working to join them together, and no one and nothing is going to interrupt my plans for Kylo Ren.”

He stood now, stalking down the long walkway between his throne and the chamber door where I now knelt.

“Supreme Leader, for my children’s lives, I beg you!” I was now terrified, realizing I had no recourse, no way to defend myself or the two tiny lives within me I would do anything to protect. “I’ll go away, far away, you will never see me, I’ll never speak to Kylo again!”

Staring down at me, Snoke signaled to one of his guard. Stalking with deadly grace, one of the crimson-clad soldiers marched to a stop in front of me, holding a vicious looking halberd in his hands. As tears poured down my face, I braced myself, hoping Kylo would appear at the last moment to save me, to save his children...

“You needn’t worry, girl,” Snoke consoled me. “He will never know what happened to you, for I will spare him the heartache of knowing his only children died to save the First Order.” Turning to the soldier, he said simply, “Kill her.”

As the giant weapon sliced its way toward my neck, I thought sadly of how I would never know if Kylo could be redeemed. I only wished the other girl, whomever she was, would be able to know him the way I had…


End file.
